Fractured Pieces (Part 1)

We've all experienced life-changing moments in an instant...call them "turning points", "pivot points", or "tipping points", they all describe an event that dramatically changes everything. If we are fortunate, they are planned, and we are in control. Often though we find ourselves at a crossroads, a proverbial "fork in the road" of circumstances we did not expect. Some are good, some are simple, some are damaging. Within the scope of 24 hours, our lives can instantly change. We become faced with larger than life challenges to which we cannot fathom how we will respond.

I encounter numerous people every day...all with personal stories of turning points in their life; however, I'm not so much drawn to the individuals with stories of their accolades and achievements as I am with those who have experienced deep brokenness, who have found their way back from the pain. These personal stories lie deep beneath the surface of salutatory conversation...these stories are drawn out slowly like water from a well, for they are connected with great emotional turbulence and involve a displaying vulnerability in recounting them. I've grown to appreciate hearing the "life journeys" of individuals with depth - lessons I can glean among the fields of their experiences. They give me hope that I too will make it through so I may draw from the depth of my own life and touch the lives of others.

It is difficult to number the major breaking points in an individual's life because the "small" or seemingly "insignificant" events play a larger role then we anticipate in our future. The large life-shattering events are easier to recount because it takes longer to recover from. However, I can currently draw from six distinct times brokenness has defined my life and changed my character.

This is not to say the crushing weight of brokenness is over...no one knows the future nor the events on our horizons. No, upon reflection over the past decade I would experience the betrayal of brokenness three times. Woven into the pages of this book will be those experiences...and a theme. It is an emerging painting on canvass, the scenery or landscape not distinguishable until one steps back to view the entire portrait. That's how the emergence of brokenness radiates from the painting depicting our pain... beauty breaks through.

Brokenness involves fragments. It's best described as a "fragmented life" If you have ever dropped an item made of glass it shatters into various shards. Often the pieces are scattered and range from large, easily gathered, to the smallest pieces hidden under or behind items. All of us have dropped a glass in the kitchen at one point. The large pieces are easily identifiable, but we know that there are those pieces that are scattered and hard to find. Often these little shards are hidden from our eyes and we must get a broom, sweep them up and search under the fridge or counters and rugs to ensure no pieces are left. Why? If we leave fragments of glass, we know that what is unseen, hiding or, covered will have the ability to cut us deep when we don't expect it.

Betrayal is like that. When we assume our relationships are solid, trusting, reliable, and, transparent they always have the potential to be dropped and shattered into a million pieces. Sometimes we can see the signs and betrayal can be expected...even anticipated. Other times, and the most painful that can be experienced, is when betrayal happens swiftly and without warning. We can be left with the painful shards...hurts and memories that just will not go away. These "movies" in our minds play the event over and over - haunting our memories and ability to ever trust again. These large shattered fragments can be easily identified: Trust, Vulnerability, Loyalty, Friendship, those big pieces can be seen...even admitted. Everyone can relate to the "self-defensive" mechanism of hurt by withdrawal. Once the pain of betrayal is felt, the shards cut deep to the heart, the wound penetrates both soul and spirit. Sometimes can eventually recover and move on...other times the pain is too great, the hurt....hinders, lingers, torments and is always in the back of our minds, haunting us with the "what if it happens again?" The pain does not escape, never quits...never ceases. When we think we have a grip on it and bury it deep, it rears its ugly head...tormenting us relentlessly. We build walls, dig trenches...even moats, around our hearts and minds because those large shards of trust, vulnerability, loyalty and,

friendship cut us to the quick...to our very core! We feel the deep coldness of betrayal. It poisons our hearts and minds... like snake venom traveling through our bloodstream...it slowly kills us.

Yes, to experience brokenness is to experience a fracture. We become separated from who we are and what we really want to become. The small shards, left unchecked, can and will eventually be felt on deeper levels greater than imagined. This deep-felt betrayal, emotionally felt brokenness, leaving us "emotionally bankrupt."

Those small shards can take many forms: feelings of insignificance, emptiness, anxiety, bitterness, depression, addiction, shame, obsessive thoughts...even perfectionism. These can needle themselves deep in our hearts, minds, and, the psyche. Betrayal can become a blanket of brokenness. We become wrapped in it slowly without realizing it until those shards are buried so deep in our hearts, like shrapnel, that is takes surgical measures to remove the lies. Some will lose their determination...its hard work! They would rather live with the pain defining themselves by it. When we are subjected to hurt on this level we slowly change as individuals, until one day we gaze into the mirror of our souls and barely recognize who we once were

Think of the person you once were. Were you adventurous? Outgoing? Confident? Optimistic? Were new challenges welcomed...even embraced? Was your vision of the future filled with dreams and possibilities? Each day brought a new outlook on a new opportunity! Within your grasp was the future you sought...there it is! Just over the horizon. Self-Motivation came easy and creativity powered new ideas and insights into just how you would get there! You never doubted your ability to succeed or form the relationships that would help get you there. However, experiencing brokenness...this "fracturing of the heart, soul and, mind" as I call it, can change all that quickly. Self-confidence can slowly erode, optimism begins to wane, new challenges are faced with in-trepidation or, avoided altogether. Often when we are broken our vision of the future becomes clouded as dreams seem distant and possibilities limited. This level of depression takes the form of our inner voice speaking from our pain. Maybe you have heard it? Its never positive or uplifting, rather the voice of our innermost pain is a master storyteller!

It speaks through our thoughts constantly telling us we will never achieve, never believe, never succeed. Crippling self-doubt polarizes us from action...soon we settle. We can't reach higher because there may be no one there to help lift us - we can feel empty inside, alone. This is the bankruptcy of brokenness and unless you have experienced it firsthand it cannot be adequately communicated with words. However, it can be sensed. Broken people "see" and recognize others who have been broken...and not a word has to be spoken.

Share your insights, your experiences...your journey. To keep this blog post from being too long, part two will follow this week.

Subscribe to my blog as I share more insights form my book "Let Go! & Live Through!"

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B089DQFRX4